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The God of Fire // Funkleberry Fever

Table of Contents

  1. Travis’ Table: The Wolf’s Teeth Mountains
  2. Turner’s Table: Landfall
  3. Chris’ Table: The Underdark

Wolf’s Teeth Mountains

Avalanche Ambush

Our adventurer’s begin hiding in a loose semi-circle around a pile of ruble from the Avalanche Ambush that Dreavax sprang while jauntily tipping an imaginary hat. Asshole. As the party hides, Uhr maintains an illusion of the party as dead bodies crushed in the rubble. As the 10 Vlazaoth goat people work their way closer, it appears that the illusion has them fooled. Geo is able to make out some of what the Vlazoth are saying in some odd dialect of Giant. He detects themes of sadness, distress, and frustration. The party while hiding is unable to communicate, and everyone waits to see who makes the first move. Somewhat lightening the mood, the Vlazoth perched high up on the cleft’s rocky walls begin a song that utilizes the echoes created from their call and response song, and their mountainous surroundings. This is all Geo needed, and with a word and wave he makes himself known. After a few minutes of rather curt conversation the party is able to meet and communicate with the scout party’s leader, Bah’rin, a Vlazoth with all black fur, a spear and a long scar diagonally across his face. His horns are large and curl around the sides of his head like a ram’s. Several hours of travel and an attempt at learning the call and response mountain song later the party and the scouts are able to make their way to the lip of a medium sized caldera.


As everyone is led over the rim, they are able to see a small village of stone buildings ingeniously carved into the side of the caldera. The buildings are colored and arranged in a way that if viewed from across the caldera (where an obvious trail is located), they would be nearly impossible to detect. Creative use of camouflage and a little forced perspective seem to have served the Vlazoth well. The lower reaches of the caldera are increasing covered in vegetation, until met with a striking blue lake. Steam curls lazily from the lake’s surface. Hulnir, Hasselhoff, and Geo are soon greeted by the village elder as they are led into town, but their eyes are drawn behind the wizened leader to two strangers standing outside the common building and surrounded by other curious Vlazoth. A tall and thin High Elf man in very out of place court finery, and a diminutive halfling woman in dark greys and browns.

Thar, the Ki’ai is stooped, but walks with sure feet hooves across the rocky slope. As he nears, the party sees that Thar is walking with a staff made of obsidian wound with golden colored wire, surmounted by a small steady flame that moves with the staff. He wears rough spun robes dyed a faded red, and has a chain neckless dotted at even intervals with large, rough-cut rubies. Are they glowing?

Tharr introduces the two non-Vlazoth groups, and our party grows, now including Kella the halfling rogue, and Sashka the IV, High Elf Knowledge Cleric of the Witness. After introductions, Thar tells the party that they are welcome to stay the evening in the village of Zaloth and are granted space in the common building to sleep for the night. Geo immediately hops to help in the kitchen and impresses the two cooks, Tri’na, and Far’din. In the quiet time just before sleep, Sashka begins an ill-timed lecture whilst using the Light cantrip to impress his audience. Meanwhile,Kella sneaks into the kitchen and is able to make off with one of the obsidian knives the cooks use.

After an uneventful evening, the party is awakened the sounds in the fireplace of strong winds blowing outside. After stepping outside the common building, the party is able to see that a blizzard is now raging but seems to blow right over the top of the caldera, and the wind seems preternaturally clam inside the confines of the rim. Thar tells the party of a great threat to the village. A monstrous beast with green skin with horrible claws and teeth has already killed four of their number. If they can kill the beast, then Thar offers an audience with the Keh’lek’ki’ai, the fire god who lives beneath the waters, and intimates that she will likely help them on their quest to find the keep that the Xeriketh’s Blades have taken over in the mountains.

The Hunt

Properly incentivized, the party is gifted some warm, but very uncomfortable woven plant fiber and moss cloaks to keep them warm and sent out into the blizzard to try and sneak up on the beast while it shelters from the storm. The second in command of the Vlazoth scouts Rina offers to lead them to the cave of the beast, through the storm. Saved only by Sashka’s incessant guidance, the party is able to escape the worst of the blizzard without harm. As the party reaches a small depression they see a cleared area filling with snow and body parts haphazardly tossed into two piles near a medium sized boulder half blocking a cave entrance.

Kella sneaks forward and investigates the cave and while nearly overcome with the stench pouring out of it, is unable to see much beyond a fork and two paths within it’s lightless depths. Feeling more confident the rest of the party makes it’s way forward and into the cave. Forgoing any sense of stealth and yet still remaining remarkably quiet they head to the right to find a massive troll asleep on a pile of filthy rags. Dozens of insectile wings slowly flap on the creature’s back. Infection? Infestation? Emboldened by the sleeping form, Hulnir does what she knows best, and creates a massive glob of grease that splashes onto the troll, just as Sashka sends a fire bolt streaking into the troll’s flank. It roars as the flames leap up around it, shaking the walls of the small cave. Nira the scout guide bravely looses a small arrow , but almost as soon as it strikes, it is pushed back out of the troll’s skin.

Team Landfall

Last we left off, our adventurers were fighting Darqour, the creepy druid who tried to convince Fen to go all “The Most Dangerous Game” on Scral. They had managed to kill Darqour with a well-placed arrow to the back, but Grizz was surrounded by giant owls and twig blights…

The Fight Continues

Fen, thinking quickly on his feet, dashes over to the campfire. He grabs a smoldering log, ignoring the burns to his hands, and chucks it at one of the evil bushes attacking Grizz. The bush explodes in flames, casting eerie shadows across the tall old trees of the mistwood. Grizz dispatches the other shrub with a flourish of his short-sword, and turns his attention towards the giant owls.

Heimer, who up to this point had been unconscious in Dresden’s backpack, suddenly awakens and rolls out of the sack to spring up with a crossbow drawn. He looses a bolt at one of the owls (the unnamed one, not Herby) dealing a serious blow to one of its wings. Unfortunately it is still able to swoop down and pickup the corpse of Darqour, flying off with it. Herby, the remaining owl, grapples the diminutive Heimer in his talons and lifts him up into the air.

The rest of the party responds quickly to this threat: Sixela speaks to the owl, failing to convince it that taking her gnomish friend is a bad idea; Fen and Grizz let loose with ranged weapons; Heimer tries to stab at his captor with a thunder-charged spear, but misses as Herby takes evasive maneuvers. The injured owl flies another 60 feet into the air and drops Heimer to his apparent death. Unfortunately for the villains, he uses the gravity arresting device in his backpack (he casts feather fall) and floats gently to the ground. Herby, injured and alone, flees.

While everyone is discussing what to do with Scral, who is tied to a tree and gagged, another unsettling figure seems to appear directly from the tree. He introduces himself as Draevax, and congratulates the party on their well-fought victory before killing Scral with his claws. Scral is buried, and a few words are said in his honor.

Back to Landfall

As a new day dawns, the party breaks camp and heads back towards Landfall. They approach the North Gate, and are stopped by the squad of city watch on duty. The officer informs the party that their presence has been requested by Inquisitor Kane at the City Guard HQ, and sends the party on their way with Thork, their escort. Thork turns out to be a nice guy, and warns the party that they’ve gotten on the wrong side of the City Guard for absconding with a prisoner. He lets the party know that they should get their story straight, and takes them to Aurix Bridge.

Aurix Bridge is a huge market bridge crammed to the brim with shops of all sorts and sizes. Near the Highmarket side of the bridge, the City Guard HQ provides a convenient point of over-watch. On the left of the HQ, wonderful smells waft out of a gnomish patisserie. On the right a hanging sign indicates a mixed apiary / flatbread shop / jewelers. The HQ itself is guarded by a stone sphinx, but her riddle is no match for the intellectual prowess of Heimer.

The party meets with Inquisitor Kane, who through a thick high-elf accent manages to inform the party that they are not above the law, and will need to help him retrieve some items from the house of the famous adventurer: Stallenor. Stallenor is unreachable, and Kane would like the party to find a sending stone or similar item to contact him with. In addition, Stallenor recently acquired a pair of odd bracelets from a rampaging undead ogre and Kane would like those bracelets as evidence in an ongoing investigation.

Shopping Spree!

The adventurers are eager to get started on their quest, but their stomachs get the better of them and they head into Dinkleberger’s Fine Treats to purchase some authentic gnomish delicatessen. They find an array of wondrous pastries, but are only able to stomach the cost of some discount Funkleberry Danishes, which have an incredibly strong odor.

They make their way over to the Apiary, bypassing Firebrand’s Flatbreads, to the great chagrin of its proprietor - Pete Zah IX. They enter Stoutheart’s Apiary, and are greeted by the eponymous dwarf. He showcases his wares, which are both tasty and medicinal, and shows the party the myriad of bee colonies he keeps in the back half of his shop. The party pools their money together to purchase a BumbleZilla Larvea, hoping that one day it can serve as a mount for Fen. Meanwhile, Sixela befriends Zzzerg, the queen of Stoutheart’s biggest colony, by offering her a Funkleberry Danish. Zzzerg spits up a weeks worth of royal jelly for the party to use to feed their new larvea.

The Gilded Gutter

The party makes their way to Cat Folley Alley, where Stallenor’s residence is. They pass into Goldspire, AKA The Gilded Gutter, and are immediately appalled by the muddy streets which stink of night soil and the buildings which seem to be just a good push away from falling over.

They are approached by a beggar with a serious cough. Fen determines that this beggar has a condition which will turn him into a Zombie by the end of the day if he is not treated. Unfortunately, the party is unsure how to help the man and they have no coin to offer. They give him a Funkleberry danish and continue on their quest.

Cat Folley Alley

Having arrived at the alley, Sixela decides to wildshape into a cat and scout ahead. She spots someone hidden in a pile of trash, and a goblin who seems to be watching the trash-pile. She prowls over to Stallenor’s front door and sticks her paw in the mail slot, only to morph back into her humanoid shape when her paw is stabbed with a dagger!

A pair of beady eyes peer out of the mailbox at the druid on the doorstep.

“No visitor!” The creature shouts in broken common. Sixela is immediately motivated to befriend this creature, and after passing several of her Funkleberry danishes throught the mail-slot, the creature agrees to let her in through the window above.

Meanwhile; Fen, Heimer, and Grizz meander into the alleyway, trying to look casual. Heimer uses his extendo arm (Mage Hand) to yank the rubbish off of the trash guy, exposing him! The Rubbish Rascal immediately pops up, yelling “Hail Kymar!” and rushes the party members, only to be immediately knocked out by Heimer. The clumsy fellow suffers a lethal head-bonk as he hits the ground, sending a flask of alchemists’ fire flying.

The Underdark

After enjoying a damp but cozy long rest in the recently liberated kuo-toa village, the party made ready to depart across Lake Trankil in pursuit of Elune and Jemwise Faroot. Ta’ahsu took some time to sort through the piles of accumulated bric-a-brac being kept in one of the village’s storage huts, looking for any objects that may have come from his extinct(?) Yuan-ti culture of old. The stuff he found was mostly useless junk, but he did discover a seamless box made of dark metal bearing a strange crest and a locking mechanism resembling a viper’s head. Ta’ahsu recognized the crest-a hammer and screwdrived crossed voer a sprocket-as that of the Sseszah Tinker’s Guild, a Yuan-ti inventor’s and artificer’s society of yore. Using his tinker’s tools to dismantle the lock, Ta’ahsu found that the box contained a metal arrow suspended in a glass globe, forming a 360 degree compass needle that pointed toward something to the northwest.

The group set sail on a fishing boat piloted by their peg-legged kuo-toa skipper Captain Churg, heading in the direction pointed to by their new compass and hoping it would lead to the mysterious Hanging Tower. Brave, booksmart Cardigan tried to tie down a boom that had come loose on the main mast but caught a blow to the head as it swung free. He was knocked unconcious and stashed under a pile of tarps.

They pushed on, gliding across glass-smooth black water that reflected the star-like luminescent mushrooms dotting the cavern ceiling high above. After some time, the party was startled to see a large dark shape looming out of the gloom. It was a derelict ship, devoid of any signs of life, adrift in the lake. Several of the adventurers boarded the ship, where they found three gray oozes amongst piles of bones on deck, after King Knut struck one with his new Anchor Greatsword and the blade partially dissolved, the group realized the oozes were corroding all metal they touched and began to assault them with ranged attacks,spells and, distressingly, their own teeth. They dispatched two of the oozes, but the third slipped belowdecks. The party pursured, and found the interior of ship vacant save some wooden furniture, a few inches of frigid standing lake water, and an metal vault door with a combination lock.

Sensing the presence of magic emanating from behind the door, Andoryx boldly strode up and gave it a firm knock. Instead of the metallic thump one may expect from a steel door, Andoryx heard and felt a fleshy squish, and his fist instantly adhered to the surface. The door split into a gaping maw full of jagged teeth with a long, probing tongue lolling out of it. A mimic!

Andoryx pulled his hand free and staggered back to safety while King Knut munched down on his second ooze of the day. Toof shot an arrow into the mimic and used one of her arcane abilities to banish it from this plane. The party wasted no time, running through the now empty door frame and scooping all the lockboxes and treasure they found inside into their bag of holding.

The party abandoned ship, opting not to take their chances with the mimic when it returned. As they pulled away, King Knut took a swing at the hull of the ship, opening a jagged hole that would sink the ship in due time.

The adventuring party and the stalwart Captian Churg continued their journey, dumping out their bag of holding to see what riches they’d procured…